they’re really comforting <3 Everyone has been so supportive and nurturing these past few days, whether they be close family and friends or internet pals. It really means a lot to me, and I thank all of you.
When you’re growing up you believe that your parents are invincible and that they’ll live forever. It’s really unsettling once you have to bring yourself to realize that they’re human just like every one else and their time has to come sooner or later.
My dad died peacefully, and surrounded by his loved ones, and that’s what matters. He got to see the people he loved most one last time, and more importantly, they got to see him.
She’s a girl with the best intentions
He’s a man of his own invention
She looked out of the window
He walked out the door
But she followed him
And he said, “What’cha lookin’ for?”
She said, “I want something that I want
Something that I tell myself I need
Something that I want
And I need everything I see.”
I feel like everything I should be doing to get my life back on track is finally happening, everything I’m supposed to be doing is being done. I’m taking baby steps towards bettering myself.
Back in school, check. Putting my effort and creativity into something that will help another, check. Job search is next, I suppose - and physical maintenance in between everything else.
I want to move to Anaheim with James. We’ve always talked about the idea of eventually moving in together and finding a place somewhere closer to Disneyland, so my Disney lifestyle can flourish. But this is one of those things I can seriously imagine, maybe it’s because I really want it. I’ve been daydreaming about how we would decorate and furnish our apartment or condo, waking up next to each other every morning and cuddling up to sleep together every night.
I think another reason of why the change of location appeals to me, is to get away from the familiar for a year or two. I’ve lived in San Diego my whole life, I think a change of scenery would be nice. I want real independence and grown up experiences. And as weird as it might sound, I want the responsibility of cleaning our own bathroom, and cooking our own meals, and shopping just for the two of us. I want to finally be able to share that with James.
And obviously, this wouldn’t be possible without a huge sum of seed money for us to be able to pay for bills and what-not. I guess that’s where the importance of beginning that job hunt lies.
(And a burrito right now wouldn’t be so bad either…)
// Facebook update
I really want to show you guys what I accomplished painting tonight, but I’m technically not done. I consider this to be a two-part project. Although they are separate pieces, I had the urge to fill them at the same time.
I should probably go to sleep, but I always told myself this: if there’s something keeping you up at night that’s encouraging you to write, paint, or do any sort of creating, do it — and do it until everything you’ve got is spilled on the pages or the canvas, because the desire might be gone in the morning.
And now… back to painting.